F9: The Fast Saga
F9: The Fast Saga (2021) movie review
The tenth film in this franchise that is seemingly as unkillable as its protagonists, F9: The Fast Saga follows the crew as they have to help stop Dom’s brother from doing some evil things. Look, you don’t need the plot to sell you or not, nor do you really need a review, because despite a poor reception from critics, audiences, and Asia, F9 made almost $70 million this weekend.
Should you see F9? Pft absolutely not. While I don’t have every film in this franchise, I thought 7 was a perfect wrap-up. Plus the quality drop-off after 7 is significant. F9 continues the trend of just absolutely the most careless blockbuster action that was previously only found in Transformers movies. Will you see it anyway? Well everyone else did… So really I’m just ranting here. But seriously, this movie is just really really stupid.
Now when I use very on-critic-y words like ‘stupid,’ it seems only fair that I say some nice things… Justin Lin’s eye for directing action is solid as ever, despite the inability to take that action seriously. Some of the performances are also perfectly fine, despite others just rehashing their work from the previous films. I also had a few chuckles (I’m talking the ones the film wanted, not laughing at physics). And, as is the case with a Fast and Furious film, despite killing brain cells for almost 2.5 hours, it was dumb fun.
Really though, I can’t emphasize the word ‘dumb’ enough. The story in this movie is incredibly weak. We get a good dive into the backstory between Dom and Jakob, which is hilariously overblown. Seriously, it’s one of those things a conversation could solve, but no no! Your dad dies and you just HAVE to become an international terrorist or whatever! And the plot- oh the plot. Not only is it very simply, but the crew end up consistently making it worse for the people of Earth. (Not by some plan of the villains either! No the film never calls attention to the fact that the bad guys literally couldn’t have done the evil plan without Dom and his team trying to stop them.) It’s almost like these street racers SHOULD’T be doing action/spy things…
Of course nothing matters because everyone in this stupid series can’t be killed. I would worry about spoilers, but the film decides to give away a few truly amazing reveals in the trailer. Han’s back! Hey so glad we could spend like ten minutes of screentime, undoing one of the most emotional moments from the entire series, and retconning the need to retcon the order in the first place only so Han could do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Don’t get me wrong, there are a few fun callbacks that made me smile. But goodness, just stick to your convictions! Han didn’t need to be back. And you know what, neither did Cipher. (Not that she died or anything in the last movie.)
Right, back to unkillable people. You know what really takes the tension away from your action sequences? Superheroes. They are superheroes. They can do anything and survive anything. Dom is Superman. First, everyone is catching people with cars. Like three times someone uses a car to catch someone else. THOSE HURT! It’s not a mattress, it’s a moving vehicle! Also all the tiny little scrapes and bruises never last more than a scene. Also also, SCRAPES AND BRUISES! Some of the characters spend a large chunk of the film literally having cars thrown at them because of giant stupid convenient magnets that work however the film wants them to! But no, it’s fine. I’m sure if I hooked the tire of my car to a rope and swing a Quarter mile on it and landed it on a cliffside with five or six rolls, I’d be COMPLETELY UNHARMED.
Gosh no, I can’t do it. I hate these stupid, stupid movies. Even the ones I like, I hate! Ugh I didn’t even talk about- no, Imma talk about this. Let’s have this HUGE dramatic scene where Dom sacrifices himself to save the crew in slow motion to they can escape a location, then have Dom perfectly fine immediately back at the location they just escaped! Like, the heck was all that even for?? Seriously, ask me about the dumbest thing in this movie. Is it going to space? Not even close. This? This is a really bad movie. I didn’t care about anything and the logic is totally nonexistent. Now, I’m going to give F9 a 4/10. Why not lower? Because while it is the worst in the franchise, I also just watched The Ice Road on Netflix, and that is clearly worse. So apparently, as dumb as this is, you could do worse. (Please don’t take that as an endorsement to go see it.)
So F9? What did you think? Be sure to leave a like and/or a comment below and let us know! And what one thing in this series broke you the most? Be sure to leave a like or a comment below and let us know! And if you liked this review and you want to read more like it, let us know in the comments what we should talk about next!
-review by Ryan Prince