93rd Annual Academy Awards (2021) TV special review
The Oscars is Hollywood’s most prestigious night, where rich people give other rich people golden statues to honor their work on the years best films that nobody saw! They are typically held in February, but were postponed to April. But hey, more time to prepare right! I mean it’s not like this could be the most lazily thrown-together Academy Awards in history right? RIGHT??
<sigh> Look, I don’t really want to be doing this, but I’ve got to get a few of these thoughts off my chest. So here are some quick thoughts I have on the worst Oscars ever! Let’s begin!
I guess Naya Rivera and Jessica Walter don’t matter to the Academy. Heck it felt like nobody did based on how quickly they breezed through the In Memoriam section. Heck add Chicago 7 and One Night in Miami to that 30 second clip while you are at it. But at least it didn’t have to folllow a painfully long bit where Lil Rel Howery makes Glenn Close dance. Oh that actually happened? I’m sorry, I was thinking back to the glory days where Ellen ordered pizza.
Also IMDb says the Oscars were only two and a half hours. BAHAHAHAHAHA! Noooooo way, not even taking out commercials! That boring thing was somewhere between three and sixteen hours long. And boy did it feel long, as we finally get the Oscars we always wanted: painfully unfunny, awkwardly staged, unrehersed, and full of talking about the backstories of those nominated instead of showing clips or highlights from the craft they are nominated for. Cause heaven forbid a movie award show be ABOUT THE MOVIES!?! <gasp>
Well look on the bright side, everyone who is anyone had something to say, and when it wasn’t random wolf howling or talking about how your parents made you, it was probably political. Greeeaaat. Because if it’s one thing I want to hear when I go to see what movies win what, it’s how hard the pandemic was for everyone who got to spend it on their yachts. Heck somehow Tyler Perry was the only one with anything decent to say. Hats off to you Mr. Perry for not endorsing hate!
Alongside Madea were Hollywood legends in the making Emerald Fennell, Chloé Zhao, Thomas Vinterberg, and Yuh-Jung Youn, who, alongside already legend Harrison Ford, managed to add some genuine heart, humor, and love of their craft in a night stuffed with A-listers like Brad Pitt struggling to give a simple introduction. Worst of all was poor Joaquin Phoenix, who was given the impossible tast of rapidly closing a night somehow more chaotic than that one time two films won Best Picture. Heck at least that was a simply mistake…
Speaking of a total lack of preparation, not only did we have to suffer through a sloppy ceremony full of pauses and no clear direction, but even the consistently deceptive narrator was lost! And how could I talk about the time and money that obviously didn’t go into this without taking on the music, which ranged from random music choices to- well yeah that’s it. But hey why would you play something from the score as the composers win their Oscars? Nah, pop music is where it’s at!
Want to see a small handful of surprise winners get ultimately trampled on by two older white Oscar winners who already have three Oscars between then while the boring van movie steals Best Picture from two more deserving films that deliver pressing social commentary that lines up with a good 35% of the political speeches? We’ll you’ve come to the right place! Sure we had some worthy winners early on, but the old, out of date voters just couldn’t help themselves but to give very typical awards to expected winners in the year where diversity was supposed to be a key push. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying give out Oscars because diversity, I’m saying give out Oscars to the films and performances that deserved the.
In conclusion, this award ceremony had six writers and more than twenty producers, and it STILL suffered from not having a host! Heck Jimmy Kimmell even showed up near the end to lament his time as host. We miss you too man! We miss you too… Anyway sudden conclusion! 2/10.
AND ANOTHER THING! That’s right, I decided to wrap up before the end to pay homage to the late and great Chadwick Boseman with the same reverence that the Academy did. By talking about how Anthony Hopkins is better. Bye. (No I’m exaggerating. But look, maybe DON’T restructure the Oscars around the chance that someone might win. Because Hopkins CLEARLY didn’t expect to, and he actually won!) Seriously, the heck were they thinking in preparing this event? That had two full EXTRA months to get this right! Of course I’m happy for Hopkins, as both performances were truly Oscar worthy. But seriously, get it together Academy.
Oscars? What did you think? Any surprise winners you want to point out? And what Oscars were given out to the wrong movies? Be sure to rant as much as I did in the comments! Trust me, you’re in the majority.
-tirade by Ryan Prince